• Home
  • The Book
  • The Author
  • Events
  • The Blog
  • Failures Within
  • Contact

Seek to Misconstrue   + a

Failure: The Blog  

August 2018

  • When This Executive Was Fired, He Took Charge
  • Obeying The Speed Limit Has Never Been More Fun
  • London Black Cabs Helped Uber Grow
  • Bette Graham Created A Product To Fix Her Mistakes
  • Flamin' Hot Cheetos Had An Interesting Start

July 2018

  • Fear This Instead Of Failure
  • Re-Releasing Songs Created Success
  • A CEO's Purposeful Mistake
  • The Tardy Student And The Unsolvable Problem
  • Fixing Potholes Through Graffiti

June 2018

  • A Surprising Mistake In The Oxford English Dictionary
  • US Army Embraces Mistakes
  • Blocking A Hymn
  • Eddie Shore Was Truly A Tough Guy
  • [Video] Elon Musk Didn't "Pivot" He Failed

May 2018

  • 8 Examples of Mental Toughness Part 2
  • Necessity Turned Accessory: Allen Iverson's Sleeve
  • This Doctor Has Continued To Fail
  • 8 Examples of Mental Toughness
  • MIT Accidentally Creates New Smelting Process

April 2018

  • Johnny Cash Quit Singing Lessons
  • Cruise Control Came Out of Frustration
  • Time Spent Gaming Pays Off In The Navy
  • Rock Around The Clock Was a Commercial Failure
  • Sigmund Freud Should Have Been Discouraged

March 2018

  • Superman Couldn't Fly
  • This School Shares Failures
  • Jim Croce's Parents Hoped He Would Fail

[More archives...]

« The Ridiculous Contract
When Asthma is Useful »

Lying To Improve a Marriage?

September 12th, 2011 - by Robby Slaughter

Everyone says a good relationship is based on trust. So why would one of the world’s foremost experts on marriage use dishonesty as part of his research methods?

Here’s a direct quote from John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work (page 179 in the paperback edition). See if you can spot the sneaky practice in the setup of Gottman’s marriage lab:

In one of our latest experiments, we interrupted couples after fifteen minutes and told them we needed to adjust the equipment. We asked them not to talk about their issue, but just to read magazines for half and hour. When they started talking about their issue again, their heart rates were significantly lower and their interaction more productive.

marriage failure
Photo © Flickr User nrdend

Here’s what Gottman is doing: he knows that when people take a break from a difficult conversation, they tend to cool off and do a better job of working out their differences. But how can you get people to stop talking for a few minutes?

Earlier in the chapter, the author explains how he would prefer to have couples take part in a guided meditation exercise. But so many individuals resisted the idea—out of skepticism or frustration—that the he couldn’t test the theory. So instead, he told a little white lie: that the “equipment needed to be adjusted.”

Failure is the secret to success. Sometimes you need to do what seems wrong to get the right answer, even if you are conducting a study in a world famous psychology lab. In this case, a little minor dishonesty helps couples to find ways to speak more honestly with each other.

Share on TumblrSubmit to redditShare via email Share

Related Posts

  1. Lying to the Police
    Normally, the when the cops say “do not cross” you obey. So why did one Chinese girl tell a fib to authorities to rush into danger?

This entry was posted on Monday, September 12th, 2011. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


© Copyright 2009-2021 Robby Slaughter - All Rights Reserved • Theme from Web Considerations, LLC